then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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