I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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