What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
