they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
