i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
