I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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