She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who died my cat blue again?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
