You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
