I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
