hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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