Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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