Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize