What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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