i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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