Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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