I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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