I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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