just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
