She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
