I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
