Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
