BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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