my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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