I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
