I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
