her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
