Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
