AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize