i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
