If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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