pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
