my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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