I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
