That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
