oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
