just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I want is dick and wine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
