you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
