What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
