dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
