dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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