my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
