hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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