Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
