thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize