you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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