Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
