But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
