I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
