3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
