Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
