i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
