I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
