I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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