My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
