some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
