i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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