O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
