Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
