hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
