it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
