so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
