Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
