I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
