There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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