Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
