I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
