yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
