when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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