Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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