He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
