Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
