Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
