operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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